what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
