You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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