you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
