captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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