atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
