Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
