i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize