I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
