And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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