I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
