He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
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they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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