Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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