Sponge bath it is.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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