she woke up with a sticky ear
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
