The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
