it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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