Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
