Jerry, you need to find god
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
