you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
do nipples grow back?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
