I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
