I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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