Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
sarcasm needs its own font
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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