At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
