My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
