It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
