he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She announced her abortion via fbk
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't deserve a penis
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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