i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
