so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
