I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
