I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
