once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
