my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
