the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
whose parrot is this?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
