No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
