my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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