I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
