im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
