So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
