Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm just crazy horny about you
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
