3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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