I think i peed on brittanys purse
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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