Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
