The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
