you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
