They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
