just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
