okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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