Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
