I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
