I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
