He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
