he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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