Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
