The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We don't watch enough power rangers
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
