I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
