Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
