Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
