You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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