dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
