mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
