I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
