Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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