I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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