A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
