Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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