NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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