Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
