I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
only you would photoshop your dick
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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