Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
