Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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