Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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