Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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