She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
