I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
