no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
look no pants
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
